I loathe the undead…

So I leave the house this morning to go physical therapy at around 7:45. The streets were empty and the entire city had a nice, relaxed vibe. All this changed rather quickly. After spending a half hour stretching on a bouncy ball I exited the building and it looked like the world was going to end. People were in hysterics. There was a feeling in the air that the apocalypse was on the horizon. It reminded me of the scene in The Day After where everyone loses it in the supermarket – hoarding goods and having absolutely no respect for their fellow man. Combine that scene with an image of Oprah’s studio audience and you get what I mean. I put on the radio because I thought that either there was a possibility that hell has run out of room and the dead were now walking the earth or the triffids have finally decided to stop being a novelty plant and had attacked. No reports of a zombie attack or a trifid uprising however. It was just pre-Yom Kippur shopping insanity.

I was a bit disappointed to be honest. I’m a bit of a zombie expert. I’ve been watching zombie flicks and reading zombie comics forever (anyone remember Deadworld?) I know pretty much everything there is to know about them – except their origins of course. I know what to do if there is ever a zombie attack. Run to the Hills. Simple as that. Zombies have no climbing abilities whatsoever. Take a ropes course and learn how to live off the land and you’ll be fine. Educate yourself. Buy the Zombie Survival Guide. Memorize Max Brook’s Top 10 Lessons for Surviving a Zombie Attack.

1. Organize before they rise!
2. They feel no fear, why should you?
3. Use your head: cut off theirs.
4. Blades don’’t need reloading.
5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.
6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.
7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike.
8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!
9. No place is safe, only safer.
10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.

Watch the original Romero trilogy (You can skip “Land of the Dead.” Nothing cool about semi-intelligent zombies). Oh, and read Robert Kirkman’s The Walking Dead. It’s the best zombie comic ever.