Happy Chanukah!
I loathe the undead…
So I leave the house this morning to go physical therapy at around 7:45. The streets were empty and the entire city had a nice, relaxed vibe. All this changed rather quickly. After spending a half hour stretching on a bouncy ball I exited the building and it looked like the world was going to end. People were in hysterics. There was a feeling in the air that the apocalypse was on the horizon. It reminded me of the scene in The Day After where everyone loses it in the supermarket - hoarding goods and having absolutely no respect for their fellow man. Combine that scene with an image of Oprah’s studio audience and you get what I mean. I put on the radio because I thought that either there was a possibility that hell has run out of room and the dead were now walking the earth or the triffids have finally decided to stop being a novelty plant and had attacked. No reports of a zombie attack or a trifid uprising however. It was just pre-Yom Kippur shopping insanity.
I was a bit disappointed to be honest. I’m a bit of a zombie expert. I’ve been watching zombie flicks and reading zombie comics forever (anyone remember Deadworld?) I know pretty much everything there is to know about them - except their origins of course. I know what to do if there is ever a zombie attack. Run to the Hills. Simple as that. Zombies have no climbing abilities whatsoever. Take a ropes course and learn how to live off the land and you’ll be fine. Educate yourself. Buy the Zombie Survival Guide. Memorize Max Brook’s Top 10 Lessons for Surviving a Zombie Attack.
1. Organize before they rise!
2. They feel no fear, why should you?
3. Use your head: cut off theirs.
4. Blades don’t need reloading.
5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.
6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.
7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike.
8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!
9. No place is safe, only safer.
10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.
Watch the original Romero trilogy (You can skip “Land of the Dead.” Nothing cool about semi-intelligent zombies). Oh, and read Robert Kirkman’s The Walking Dead. It’s the best zombie comic ever.
Goodbye Yom Kippur headaches!
Hey good kids. Been a good two weeks since I last posted. Apologies are in order. Since we are in the midst of the Days of Repentance I don’t think any time more than now would be more appropriate to offer apologies. So sorry. Some good news for arthritis sufferers like myself. Looks like those of us who take Arcoxia (a drug similar to Vioxx that is only available in Israel and Europe) won’t be getting headaches during the fast according to an American study on Yom Kippur headaches. We are however at a higher risk for getting heart attacks. Awesome! Can’t wait!
Jellyfish - All is Forgiven (MP3)
Grant Lee Philips - So. Central Rain (R.E.M. Cover) (MP3)
Shavuot Food Porn
Happy Independence Day!
Your eyes are not deceiving you.
Those are indeed blue and white rice crispy treats.
My wife rules!
Bad Connection
Last year, on this day, I shared this story with you. Just wanted to let you know that the marriage didn’t last. Perhaps it has something to do with them celebrating the engagement on Memorial Day.
In any case, I didn’t feel very connected to the holiday this year. Not really sure why. I didn’t watch the ceremony on television last night, during the siren my thoughts wandered a bit and I didn’t take the time today to watch any of the gut wrenching home movies playing simultaneously on nearly every channel. Oddly enough, this is the one holiday that I always feel thoroughly connected with. I don’t know, I just feel a bit distant. I just don’t know.
I was lucky enough to serve in the IDF during a relatively quiet time. It was before Israel pulled out of Lebanon and a few years before the second intifada started. I knew some guys who were seriously wounded in Lebanon, one guy in my unit killed himself during basic training (at home on a weekend off) but other than those instances, I didn’t personally know any soldiers who died.
So what do I usually think about during the sirens?
I think about my friend who lost five of his former soldiers in a horrible brush fire in Lebanon during a firefight with Hezbollah, just a week after he was discharged (I’d met one of the guys the week before at my friend’s army release party). I went with him to two of the funerals.
I think about the father of an old roommate who was killed by a sniper as he got out of his tank during the Yom Kippur War just hours after the ceasefire was declared. My roommate was 11 months old at the time.
And I think about the history of my unit, the Seventh Brigade, and the sacrifices they made as they fought to protect our borders from our enemies in every single one of Israel’s wars.
Victims of terror is another story all together. Some good friends have narrowly escaped with their lives (but with both physical and psychological scars), others I’ve known did not.
So why can’t I connect today?
Shana Tova and all that…
Shana Tova (Happy New Year) to the friends and foes of The View from Here.
May the year 5766 be a healthy and fruitful one.
The new year is always a pain in the ass for me because for the next couple of weeks I’ll still be writing 5765 on my checks.
Yes, I recycled that joke from last year, so fuck off.
Remember that Ha’aretz reporter we had on the show last month? Well, the article finally came out in today’s Rosh Hashana supplement but unfortunately it’s only in Hebrew edition of the paper. But at least you can see what we look like. Not the best picture at least it’s small. I’ll post a translated version later today.
Thanks again to Shahar Smooha, the kick ass writer who made us look good.
Good times.
Yom Kippur blues
Couple of quick things. The incessant Madonna ass-kissing that went on here last week was nauseating. It takes someone like Yossi Klein Halevi to tell it like it is. The Kabbalah Centre is a cult and should be shunned, not embraced. Read Madonna and the Kabbalah Cult in the LA Times. If you don’t feel like registering use bugmenot.com.
Musically, this week has kicked ass. New Elvis Costello, R.E.M. and Brian Wilson albums. I remember hearing about Smile for the first time while a freshman in college. I grew up listening to the Beach Boys. My dad was a big fan but they remained just fun California pop until I was reintroduced and really listened to Pet Sounds for the first time. My friend Mike told me all about the long lost Beach Boys album that would never see the light of day…except for the tracks Good Vibrations and Heroes and Villians of course. Wilson rerecorded Smile and it was released this week. It’s stellar. Overproduced ear candy. Layers and layers of harmonies. Absolute heaven. The Wondermints, a power pop band who have been backing Wilson on a road do a fine job vocally. Yeah, obvioulsy it lacks the original warmth that was the vocal stylings of the original Beach Boys. Wilson’s voice is a little worn, but he still has it.
This week was quite a chaotic one at work. Working with a large number of morons gets wearing…. Anyway, Yom Kippur is a couple of hours away. I never quite connected with the holiday, probably never will. But that’s my issue and if I have to deal with it in the world to come, so be it. I’ll have a lot to share with the big guy upstairs. In any case, have an easy fast.
Transitions
The transition from Remembrance Day to Independence Day is always an odd one. It’s like stepping out of a sauna and jumping in to a cold pool. A real shock. It’s amazing how Israelis can make the quick jump from sadness to celebration. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. Our celebration of Independence Day is going to be low-key this year. I usually host a bbq, but I just didn’t have the energy to stand in front of a hot grill for four hours. Instead we will probably bbq-hop and find another activity to do. Many of the country’s army bases open up for civilians - army bands perform and you can hold cool weapons and climb into army vehicles. Even though I have already held cool weapons and driven army vehicles during my military service and in reserve duty a part of me really wants to go. It could be cool or it could completely suck.
I am still trying to find out whether there will be an air show in Tel Aviv. I have never seen it, I have only seen the aircraft returning to their bases.
I’ll never forget Independence Day in 1998. It was the 50th anniversary of the country and I was stuck at my absurdly hot base in the south. It was my turn to be part of the team that does guard duty for the base. I was furious. I couldn’t go home and party with my friends and because of the guard duty I was going to miss the celebration (albeit a mild one) on base.
So there I am, doing a patrol in 100 degree Fahrenheit heat, shvitzing my ass off in my uniform, letting my mind wander. I distinctly remember thinking about the story my father told me before I made aliyah.
My Dad was nine years old when the state of Israel was declared. He grew up in Brooklyn in Zionist family home while learning at an Orthodox Yiddish speaking Yeshiva. He remembers sitting with his father (I was named after him) and writing out a list of voting countries at the UN and patiently listening to the radio and marking off on the paper what country voted what. Once Israel was declared dancing erupted in the streets. My Dad said he had never seen his father happier.
While recalling this story on my patrol I realized that it is more of an honor to serve in a combat unit in the first Jewish army in over 3000 years on Israel’s 50th Independence Day, than to be getting rip roaring drunk on bottles of Old Clipper whiskey and really bad tequila. It was a really proud day for me and I’ll never forget it.
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